Picture the scene: two chums are having a chat. Let’s say they’re called Bilbo and Mortimer. (Any likeness to actual chums called Bilbo and Mortimer is purely incidental.)

Bilbo: So it’s a nice day.
Mortimer: Yeah

Bilbo: Oh you’ve dyed your hair.
Mortimer: Yeah I have. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Bilbo: It really suits you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Mortimer: Thanks HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bilbo: It’s really nice HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Mortimer: It’s taking me a while to get used to it HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bilbo: Where did you get it done?
Mortimer: Just down the High Street HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bilbo: Cool HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Why are they laughing so hysterically? you ask. It’s really not that amusing a topic. Mortimer has dyed her hair and Bilbo is commenting on it. What’s the joke? Have I missed something?

No. You haven’t.

Now look at the following conversation if it were to take place on Facebook:

Bilbo: Oh you’ve dyed your hair.
Mortimer: Yeah I have lol.
Bilbo: It really suits you.
Mortimer: Thanks lol.
Bilbo: It’s really nice lol.
Mortimer: It’s taking me a while to get used to it lol.
Bilbo: Where did you get it done?
Mortimer: Just down the High Street lol.
Bilbo: Cool lol.

Recognise that? Of course you do. Because that’s the sort of ordinary, mundane conversation that apparently makes people LAUGH OUT LOUD. ALL. THE. TIME.

What if people actually did LAUGH OUT LOUD sitting in front of their computers at home? ‘Oh, there’s a photo of Bilbo. She looks really nice. I know, I’ll comment on the photo of her and tell her that she looks really nice. ‘You … look… really…nice…in…this….photo…Bilbo.’ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA God that is actually really funny.’

It doesn’t happen does it? Of course it doesn’t. So why write it if they’re not laughing out loud? I bet 99% of the time they’re not even SMILING when they write it.

I know this is an old argument,  but it just really gets to me. Save hysterical laughter for when really funny things actually happen. Don’t pretend you’re laughing at the everyday tedium of life. Unless someone falls over a monkey or does a little fart during a sneeze, it’s just not worthy of laughing out loud.

And don’t even get me started on LMAO. Do you know what word you get when you rearrange those letters? LAMO.

Yeah. Think about that.