I just wanted to say hello, really.
Stickman says hello, too. Oh, and he’s bought you some flowers. How terribly thoughtful.
I’ve been away for far too long. I haven’t said things, I haven’t even particularly thought things, and I’ve generally been rather remiss about the whole damn matter. This is clearly unacceptable, and I have given myself a serious talking to, the sort of talking to that involves staring at myself in the mirror and saying very sternly ‘Listen, Becky – if that’s even your name – you have to say more things’, which is totally normal human behaviour and everybody does it.
And to those magnificent and probably very pretty people who followed my blog specifically to hear me say things, and then I stopped saying things – well. If we were in a relationship, I’d take you out for an expensive meal, offer you mouthfuls from my plate without expecting mouthfuls from your plate in return, pay for everything, buy you a massive box of chocolates, tell you you get more beautiful every day, give you a foot rub and apologise for being a massive idiot.
But as we’re not in a relationship – at least, not one in which foot rubs are appropriate, no matter how much we wish they were – all I can say is: PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I am repentant (I nearly said ‘repugnant’ in a fit of silly confusion – but yes, I’m repugnant as well, for treating you so abominably), and I hereby promise to say things on a far more regular basis and to get Stickman out to play with his chums, because he’s recently been spending all his time playing video games and watching old episodes of Magnum PI, and I keep having to tell him to shave off his Tom Selleck-style moustache because it looks frankly ridiculous.
Of course, if you couldn’t care twopence whether I say things or not, that’s fine as well. All I’ll say is you just don’t know what life can be like when I do say things. It’s a beautiful world out there. Come with me into a realm of said things, join me in a discourse of profundity and banter, together we can fill the world with things to say! WHO’S WITH ME???