Hello, valued Listener. You look lovely today. That colour suits you.
Now. Exercise.
I know, it makes me feel a bit perturbed as well.
But I like exercise. I go through phases of doing it fairly regularly. I like an endorphin as much as the next man, and I enjoy the feeling of smugness that accompanies sweatily getting into a shower after a 30 minute run.
But for every 30 minute run, there is the Failed Exercise Attempt. You know what I’m talking about, dearest, static Listener. Those planned exercise sessions, that picture of your ideal body pinned to your wardrobe, the delicate fillet of lemon sole in your fridge, all geared towards transforming you into the Most Awesomely Stunning Example of Physical and Aesthetic Perfection in the World. All going up in smoke like a wet tea towel left on a burning hob.
I have identified four types of Failed Exercise Attempts throughout my extensive experience of the subject, and, for your ease of reference I shall detail them here.
The Unexpected Failure
You spend all day at work looking forward to a Really Good Session. You imagine your flushed cheeks, your sparkling eyes, your ripped abs, your toned thighs, your impossibly rounded buttocks. You bound home with the confident stride of a winner. You arrive home, you observe Rule No.1 of a successful exercise routine – DO NOT SIT DOWN EVEN FOR ONE MOMENT – you leap into your sports gear which you lovingly laid out on your bed this morning, you crank up some suitably noisy tunes on your iPod, you hop out into the cool evening light, you take those first sprightly steps in your new running shoes, the image of your disbelieving, beautiful face registering the roar of the crowd as you take Gold at the 100m final…
…and then the truth smacks you round the love handles like a horrible, slimy trout.
You really cannot be arsed.
You try everything: you tell yourself you are fat and disgusting, you grab handfuls of your inner thighs, you search frantically through your Running playlist for a motivational tune, you make a promise to cut off your own hand if you don’t do a 30 minute run… But alas. It is all in vain. You just cannot be arsed.
You lope home, turning the serene evening air blue with your curses, you rip off your sportsgear, you kick your trainers at the wall, and you make six slices of toast and butter and spend the evening watching terrible, terrible television in a vile immovable torpor.
The Expected Failure
You just know it’s going to end badly. You’re almost playing a game with yourself; you’re saying ‘Oh right, going to exercise are we? Really? Huh. Yeah, good luck with that. We’ll just see what happens, shall we? You’re ridiculous.’
You go through the whole sorry rigmarole of putting on sportsgear, you find your running playlist, chuckling sadistically to yourself, you stomp outside, you take an almost ironic little jogging step…
…and the whole thing unravels with a tedious inevitability.
You spend three hours eating chocolate and ice cream in front of YouTube, but you tell yourself it’s okay because you expected to fail, so, in actual fact, you haven’t actually failed at anything because you succeeded in meeting your expectation to fail, and you open the second tub of ice cream to celebrate your astute self-awareness.
The Gallant Attempt
Most likely to occur in gyms, where the social pressure is most acute.
You start off okay. You get a bit sweaty on the bike. You go really fast on the crosstrainer for two minutes, which probably burned about 3,000,000 calories because you were going so fast. You plod for a bit on the treadmill. You look at the chest press, and note the intention to use it. You know you’re on a knife edge, you can feel eyes on you. Cruel eyes. Judging eyes.
You pull yourself together, you stride across the gym with a determination that even Rocky couldn’t muster, you grab the weighty-arm-strengthener-handle-pully thing, you give it an almighty tug with the strength of an ox in his prime…
…and it hurts slightly, the gym is just so stuffy, your shoes are rubbing, you’re thinking about dinner, and life’s too short.
You scuttle into the changing rooms, splash some water over your face so at least it looks like you broke a sweat, and you drive home shaking your head and cursing the £100 a month you pay in order to humiliate yourself.
The Non-Attempt
You lie on your bedroom floor intending to do 100 sit ups.
You do two.
You get up and go to find food.
So, cherished, immobile Listener, there really is only one solution to these heinous daily failures:
Have a sandwich instead.
(PS Check out this most excellent advice on how not to become a massive blob of pizza and beer while at college… http://www.thebestcolleges.org/the-best-regimen-for-college-fitness/ )
BECKY SAYS THINGS 
This reminds me of the intro to a song my husband wrote – it’s a guy yelling
“It’s too fucking far from the TV to the Refrigerator! “
That’s an amazing song!
I had to look exercise up. What an evil word it is. That should be one of those things you can’t say on television.
Exactly. I don’t know why it isn’t on the list of taboo words. It should be right up there with the ‘C’ word…
Calisthenics?
I had to look that word up, bit erm….. no. 🙂
Well, it’s a horrible C word, too.
Right now, I’m wearing my running clothes but have been sitting on the couch with my laptop for the past hour. I started out here to do a quick check of the weather before I took off, and, well, you know, the internet happened…
I am going to use this post as motivation to drag my ass outside right now. I’m fairly confident that I will be right back here within 5 minutes. Bring it on Expected Failure. Bring it on.
Damn the internet for happening… It’s the Internet’s fault that Expected Failure happens… kind of..
if the internet didn’t exist we would get so much more done in life! *sigh*
SO true. And we’d never have to watch videos of babies laughing at paper or drunk people falling over or snakes eating antelopes…Life would be much simpler.
The Non-Attempt is my favorite, Becky. I can do that one right now. Two sit-ups is better than nothing. I personally hate it when I really want to do a great run and then ten minutes in, I say I’m really just not in the mood for this! That is a bummer!
I’ve just done the Non-Attempt. Right now. Right here. I feel almost unfathomably proud of myself.
🙂
Haha, I knew I’d love this just from reading the title.
This is so me, so very much me. Especially the non-attempt. Usually, I THINK about exercising, and then I cut to the chase and go straight for the chocolate/cookies/cake. But it’s the THOUGHT that counts, right? 🙂
Surely THINKING about exercise burns a bit more calories? Doesn’t it raise your heartbeat for a couple of seconds? I’m sure I read that somewhere… Science, back me up please…
I know what you mean and is so nice when someone puts words to the thought process behind it .. I look forward to read more
Thank you 🙂
“exercise”
It’s a word?
Really??
I’m not 100% sure, I just heard someone else say it.
You forget the “there are so many better things I could be doing instead of exercising like cleaning out grease traps, shaving a bear, breathing, etc.” reason.
Or ‘doing literally anything else in the whole entire universe.’
This post was hilarious; however, very true! Whenever I’m exhausted or in a bad mood I never want to exercise, but I force myself too, only to find myself quitting halfway through. Then I go home and stuff my face! It doesn’t happen to often, but when it does, I feel like I failed my exercise. Great post!
But surely if you stuff your face quickly enough then that burns the calories you’re taking in? I mean… I think I read that somewhere….
Thank you for reading 🙂
Ha ha!!
🙂
The only thing I like better than sitting down is sitting still. You’ll never find this girl wrapped in a foil blanket. I pay a trainer fistfuls of money to make me squat and pull and twist and repeat because gym memberships left me in each scenario you brilliantly outlined. I loathe exercise, but do it so that I can be healthy (trimmer). Shower drawing is hilariously adorable. You are amazing!
Thank you! I think sitting very still is an excellent idea. Cheap and healthy 🙂
Hey.. i am facing the same problem with you!!
I can’t get up to exercies although i have planned for it
Well judging by the other comments, we’re not alone!!
following you 🙂
Yay 🙂
Try visit my blog. Maybe u will like it. Don’t forget to follow! haha 🙂
We need to exercise so we can run away from calories! You know, those tiny creatures that live in our wardrobe and sew our clothes a little bit tighter every night!
Urgh, those calories are idiots. Massive, evil evil idiots. We must escape them! But instead of running I just might walk quickly…or stroll…
I LOVE this! Add to this “the failed attempt at portion control!” or “Not eating every cookie in the house!” I use My Fitness Pal to help keep a lid on my eating… I only stay under my calorie goal, like, every other day. Some days I figure, well, I’m already over, might as well TORPEDO that shit!
The TORPEDOing that shit is my favourite thing ever. ‘I’ve already eaten 5 calories over my daily limit, let’s do it properly and make that 5, 000, 000, 000 calories!!!’
Hey…if I’m gonna feel bad about it, I might as well not be hungry and pissy too!
I used to walk/run the annual Butte to Butte here in Eugene,Oregon,, its an annual fun/run/walk on the 4th of july, what I didn’t do is do it for fun, and why not I’m not an experienced runner and there are hundereds of folks every year participating from young and old and kids, So I think have fun when exercising !
If you can’t have fun while exercising you”ll just end up crying so this is excellent advice 🙂
thank you I have experience in both…
Me too!
I’m impressed you even get running clothes on when you experience the “unexpected failure.” When I come home and sit down expecting to go exercise, I can’t even manage myself into workout clothes. I’m done. Finished. The secret for me is to not go home first. Once I do that, it’s game over.
Ah, I forgot the ‘DO NOT GO WITHIN ONE MILE OF HOME OR YOU WILL FAIL’ rule – that’s paramount to this endeavour 🙂
Bloody brilliant, loved reading your post buds **thumbs up**
Thank you very much! 🙂
http://jackdawise.wordpress.com/ nice post, Checkout my blog i think i can related my idead to yours.
Thank you, I’ll check it out!
THANK YOU !!
Hah! Oh god, I’m pulling the non-attempt RIGHT NOW. Watching Four Weddings and drinking a soda is just so much more comfortable than attempting to use that damn balance ball and falling on my face.
NO ONE needs to fall off a balance ball onto their face. Just remember you look much less silly watching Four Weddings 😉
This quote looks brilliant
Thank you 🙂
The two sit-ups as a non-attempt are two more than I do, stop making me look bad.
Yeah to be honest I exaggerated that one… it’s more like I watch videos of people doing 100 sit ups from the comfort of my chair, and THEN go and find food…
Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I say it I have to wash my mouth out with chocolate.
Toast is also particularly good for ridding your mouth of the E word..
Mmmmmm…. toast.
I’m eating toast right now, AND I haven’t failed at any exercise (yet) because I’ve just got out of bed! Hurrah!!!
I just did a run for the first time in several months. I use the term run loosely, but I did move long enough and exerted myself enough to be sore the next day. The next day wherein I got into a car by myself and had to drive for fourteen hours. Let me just say, no matter your age: never do that. It takes days to not be bent in the shape of the car seat.
Haha! Thank you for this invaluable advice!
I make excuses all day while I’m at work, having a mental battle. nine times out of ten, the excuses win….shame shame on me….
Yes but all that mental exertion definitely burns calories. I think that’s a scientific fact…
I remember in my younger days I used to run, jump, pump weights and then do it all again! Now, I’ll be lucky if I get a 20 minutes walk on the treadmill. I tell myself that cleaning the house is exercise 😛
Cleaning IS good exercise! I read recently that it burns as many calories as running a marathon… but I think that’s only if you clean non stop for 3 years…
Priceless. Love it. Do it everyday just didn’t know how to express it.
Well I’m glad I was able to express it for you, because I do it every day too! (And so, it seems, do many other people!)
Well, keep trying then. I think it’s much easier when the weather is nice anyway. Congratulations for being freshly pressed – great stick drawings.
Thank you! I’m rather thrilled! (And here in England, the weather is NEVER nice, hence the constant failed attempts (yes I’m blaming my laziness on the weather))!
This is a hoot. The only way I can drag my bum into serious physical activity is to pay for classes and make myself go to them. Then (occasionally) someone says — “You’ve lost weight!” — which is about the only thing that makes me decide to try it again. But exercise is the pits.
Ah, that comment is the queen of all comments! Unfortunately, its effect soon wears off I find…. 😉 Thanks for reading!
My wife talked me into finding a second-hand treadmill on Craigslist. A good one. Since it arrived, I’ve done about 150km on it, at two km a day. That’s not quite long enough to watch an episode of something, but long enough to give my heart palpitations. As a stay-at-home Dad and writer, I probably need it.
I think my wife’s been on it once.
Well huge congratulations for not using it as somewhere to hang clothes….!
After years of living in Wales, one of the permanent delights of living in North America is using a dryer without guilt. Stuff global warming and energy saving, my socks BEND!
Haha, oh the joys of air-dried socks. You can do some serious damage with those. Like shatter every bone in your foot trying to put the damn things on.
This cracks me up. A little. I think I know the reason for so much skepticism. Our “industry” too often creates unsustainable approaches set up to fail so that the next approach may be sold. In fact, I’ve written a book to remedy the situation if possible. Come visit my WordPress blog. It’s about to be released within the month!
How exciting! I’ll be over to check it out!
It’d be an honor. Love your writing.
Thank you 🙂
Love it. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! I enjoy exercise and I know it makes me feel so much better when I do it, but…(insert favourite excuse here).
….there are a million other things I’d rather do? 😉
Thank you!
I’m pretty sure my biggest one was the gallant attempt, closely followed by the expected failure. In fact I’m pretty sure it’s usually the expected failure of the gallant attempt. “Oh yeah, you’re going to go to a gym… where everyone else is in amazing shape and you’re struggling with a 12 minute mile. You won’t last 12 minutes.”
(The only motivation that has worked for me thus far was when my amazing job started giving people giftcards if they log more than 30 minutes of activity a day for 50 days out of a quarter year. I guess if you PAY me to exercise…)
Christ, if you PAID me to exercise I’d be the model of physical perfection by now! 🙂
Yep. It really is one of the most clever incentives ever. I think all companies should do it.
And simultaneously rid the world of obesity.So simple and yet so effective.
hahahaha…had me in splits….perhaps the laughter of recognition and guilt 😉
congratulations on being freshly pressed. (still laughing)
Thank you so much! Glad I made you smile!
I thought someone had been monitoring my thoughts when I attempt exercise. Now I know they have. There it is in black and white on your blog. Now I’m all found out. Nicely done! Love the drawings!
It seems everyone has these thoughts – it just took a few words and my stickman to express them! (Thank you!)
My problem is I have had to many sandwiches instead!!! How about you?
Sandwiches are the downfall of any exercise regime. They’re just too damp tasty!
I can’t decide if it is the sauce or the bread I like the most. Do you have that same problem? http://www.segmation.wordpress.com
Thanks for making me chuckle! This post pretty much summed it up. 😀
Glad it made you smile! Thank you for reading!
Ahh. The Pyrrhic victory that is a gym membership.
The modern world needs a pill that not only burns calories but tricks your body into believing it’s working out. Breaking down muscle fibers, elevating your heart rate, the works. But, the whole time you’re just sitting in front of the television out of breath, sweaty, and sore as shit.
Now that would be an accomplishment.
I’ll give you £1,000,000,000,000,000 to develop that pill. And do your ironing for a week.
Haha!
In that case, I’ll get to working on it. Lord knows I hate to iron.
Hurrah!
I need to get to the part where I put the work out clothes on and then see what category I fall into. It probably involves popcorn with butter and Monarch of the Glen on Netflix.
Congrats on your FP!
Thank you!
Monarch of the Glen on Netflix? Well thank you very much, you’ve just prevented me from doing literally anything all day. 🙂
Right?!
I’m almost through with the 5th season which means there’s only 1 left and then I will need a new BBC series. Suggestions?
Reblogged this on liliananosike and commented:
This is totally me sometimes. Trying to be fit is so hard.
Thank you for reblogging!
I have the same problem with trying to eat healthily! I decided a healthy diet might be achieved by cutting some stuff out on certain days rather than everything naughty at once. I decided this at 9am this morning on the way to a meeting when i scoffed a pile of cookies, And at lunch i ate a massive pile of sandwiches and a unhealthy block of cheese so failed miserably.
Maybe tomorrow….
Exercise and diets are an evil waste of time
An evil, EVIL waste of time…
Yay!!! Becky Freshly Pressed!! Oh, good for you. I’m so thrilled for you. I hope you’re having fun!
I know!!! Exciting!!!!
Thanks my love, it’s fun but now the pressure is on!!
I LOVEEE the picture of you driving away, holding the steering wheel. LOL. Made my day. Forreal–I am going to start exercising. I don’t have any ice cream, but I live near a store that sells ice cream. Oh now I’m thinking about ice cream. Hmmm. I’m not going to buy any ice cream. Grabs keys……lol
I’d love some ice cream…. is 10am too early for ice cream? 🙂
It’s never too early for ice cream. Enjoy this Saturday, Becky
I keep telling myself I need to get healthier and stuff… But I always end up doing a Non-Attempt. Oh well.
At least the Non-Attempt isn’t as stressful as the Unexpected Failure…
Yeah, it’s terrible when you wake up determined then let yourself down miserably. Grr, exercise, why do you haunt me?
I know. It’s a bastard.
Hilarious…this sounds like me to a T! I spend 3 hours just working myself up to go work out. The other day I was in the gym and one of the trainers overheard me complaining about how hard working out is. He ran over to me and screamed in my ear, “It’s SUPPOSED to be HARD…that’s why they call it WORKING OUT!
Bless them, they take it so seriously!
Thank you for reading! 🙂
I like how the pictures are drawn in a “mouse-in-MS-Paint” fashion. It helps really depict the story instead of inserting another semi-relevant picture from Flickr. Very nice 🙂
Yep, ‘mouse-in-MS-paint’ fashion is exactly how it happens!
Thank you!
I take advantage of a few XBox “trainer” games… Nike+ Kinect, Your Shape, Dance Central 3 (it counts calories and I play vs. my daughter). This is all well and good but adds another version of failure: technical difficulties. When these games work, they are great. But all too often, the sensor doesn’t pick me up, and I end up doing two push ups for every one it counts, or I lose a streak because it didn’t see my foot, etc. Few things drive me nuts more than tech that doesn’t do its job, so I sometimes ragequit in the middle.
At that point, a sandwich sounds like fine therapy for the frustration. :D. Great post, I can relate.
Christ, you don’t need to add technical failure to exercise failure… that’s too many failures for one person to take in a day. Forget the failure, eat the sandwich. Win every time. 🙂
Glad you got F.P.’ed and I had the pleasure of reading this..Loved it! The hardest step towards starting anything; is the very first step. But I’ve lived this part out loud @ Exercising does give you more energy & drive to keep exercising! And the fabulous thing about it is also; there are many ways to slip exercise into our busy schedules. Especially for those of us still holding down an 8 to 5 gig at a desk..Moving around is essential for those of us behind a desk all day. Literally EVERY step we make during the day counts as exercise..So park a little further from every front door you walk through/take the stairs up instead of the elevator/keep your free weights out at home & when you have a free moment(like while watching the boob tube) do repetitions. Leg lunges can also be done while watching the boob tube..and during the day get UP and walk when possible ..instead of sending an email to a coworker. Lunch breaks? Take a stroll through the mall or nearby park…Alot of people jump too deeply into an exercise regime at the gym; and fail. Its hard to keep something UP that seems like a chore..but if one works their way UP to exercising the motivation from the extra energy? Will make you want to hit the gym more or slip exercise in when possible. Final motivation? When you look in the mirror & begin to see the results. Congrats again on a very enjoyable read. Stay UPlifted & blessed
Wow thanks for the tips! I do manage to keep active – I do squats whilst brushing my teeth 🙂
Thank you for reading and commenting!
Ooooh I like that tip too! Hadn’t thought of that one..Oh, and I drink a raw green veggie (Kale , which is the most super of super greens) and fruit smoothie that is simple to make..Works wonders for your body! Gives you energy to feel like you could climb tall mountains; due to all of the vitamins and helps to quick firm your body..No lie. Its nasty; I can’t lie. But you get used to the taste
That sounds vile…but guess what, I’m going to buy some kale 🙂
Lol, when my Dad saw my first batch? He said outright that looks like baby shiiite. And it honestly did; it was the greenest shade of green I’d ever seen in my life. But I ate it! With a spoon no less OMG..problem was it was too thick(duh!) and I’ve since learned to tweak the recipe. Oh! and I just HAD to add an extra bananas and strawberries..otherwise the recipe tasted like straight green grass. My eldest son got the idea to try veggie smoothies from his girl whose working on her PHD in nutrition..and cause of her extensive background was the only reason I tried it. And I’ve been on it ever since for almost 10 months now..The results are priceless
You’ve convinced me! Seriously, I am actually going to try it! If it makes me feel good, I’m up for it! Thanks for the tip 🙂
I believe you & I promise you trying it will be well worth your while health wise if you stick with it..Just looking at the nutritionist’s picture of the front of the book, the book I got the recipe for the Glowing Green Smoothie from, convinced me I had to try it. She’s no spring chicken but looks amazing! Skin glowing & hair shiny as a brand new penny. I checked the book out 3 times from the library before I bought it..The book is called “The Beauty Detox Solution” by Kimberly Snyder. And though alot of the book leans toward dropping meat (which I can NOT totally DO..I love meat!) theres quite a bit of priceless info in the book. And great recipes..I still do the glowing green smoothie(I tweaked it by adding another cup of water, another banana, and strawberries and I don’t do romaine I do Kale..cause its super loaded with vitamins) at least 4 days a week. I was doing it every day BUT I lost so much weight so fast; I was on my way to looking unhealthy. And I never want to look anorexic. Anyways its an excellent book & was a best seller for ages…
I came here because the picture with the arrows reminds me of an old home gym commercial. It featured arrows pointing to “the number you call” and “what you’ll look like when you’re done”. In a brief moment of honesty, the commercial featured “what you’ll feel like when you’re done” – an old man yawning.
Haha! Exercise definitely makes me feel like an old man yawning! 🙂
You are a brilliant writer and I am so glad to have run across you on freshly pressed. Will you check out my web site, too? http://theantileslie.wordpress.com
Thank you! I’ll check it out right now 🙂
Thank you so much! Glad I made you smile!
I’m a victim of every one of those failures. Where is the motivation??
Under the empty pizza box….?
This is hilarious–and in my case, true! Love the diagrams. 🙂
Thank you! And it seems to be true for many, many people! 🙂
Such painfully true perspective! With every additional scentence I wanted to slap you a high- five. Great Piece..I will be back again 🙂
Thank you! And we can do a high five over the Internet – HIGH FIVE!! See? 😉
Reblogged this on Re'gine Report and commented:
As I sit in my apartment on yet another morning procrastinating my workout..I ran into what seemed like a transcript of this exact moment! It was almost as if there were cameras in my apartment and I was on the Truman Show…eerie. Thought I would share this great Press from Becky Say Things Enjoy!
Thank you for reblogging! So glad it’s not just me!
Reblogged this on stumbling and lost.
Thank you for reblogging!
Oh so true! I can relate! so glad this got to FP.
Thank you 🙂 It seems most people can relate, which I’m delighted about!
Wow I loved this so much. I could identify myself and a lot of other people in the different scenarios and it made me laugh…especially the diagrams. Amazing!!!
Thank you! Let’s all fail at exercise together 😉
Hah what a great post, and so true!
Thank you 🙂
30 minutes…hummmm? And I though I was doing good to get that mile ran in 12 and a half minutes and get back home. Gone approximately 30 minutes because feeding the turtles on the bridge after the run takes a while…does that even count?
Listen, if you’re out of the house for 30 mins, then that is 30 mins you weren’t standing in front of the fridge … that’s the way I look at it anyway. And feeding turtles would burn loads of calories for me because I would be RUNNING from those turtles! (Scared of turtles.) 😉
Surely not! They are in the water. Water turtles HAHaHA Funny!
Doesn’t matter where they are, I’m still scared of them!
Every repressed exercise attempt (or non-attempt) memory came rushing back while reading this post. I was thinking of starting exercising again but you’ve saved me so much time, money and effort by writing this. Thank you.
I’m so pleased I could help! Why set yourself up for failure? Just have a sandwich! 🙂
Aww, the stick people look sad. LOL! Loved this post.
Mmm, ice cream… Hey, doesn’t walking across the supermarket and back count as exercise?
I’ll be having surgery on my ankle soon and I find myself reflecting on how I won’t be able to exercise. 😦
Having ankle surgery is a pretty extreme method of getting out of exercise 😉 Glad you enjoyed it, good luck with the surgery!
You’re right, it is a little extreme. Thanks!
I have TOTALLY splashed water on myself to make it look like a broke a sweat! I will say though, I think most people at the gym don’t judge you. I like to think they’re all similarly worried about their failures. And we’re all failing together.
As long as we’re all failing together, I feel much better 😉
And splashing water on your face is a classic ‘I work out loads’ ploy. And I bet more people do it than don’t 😉
I really hope so! 😀
thank the sweet lord i found your blog. I think the voices in our heads might be chums… the kind of chums that eat nutella out of the jar and then tell each other they’re beautiful (although actually you look like you’ve just rimmed a rhino) Will keep reading, for sure X
‘You look like you’ve just rimmed a rhino’. That’s possibly the best thing anyone has ever said to me. Ever.
I am smirking into a Budweiser over that comment. Thank you! 😉
No. Thank YOU and your strange nicotine addicted sticky friend X
This is hilarious! Don’t get too down on yourself, though. In the big scheme of things, negative self talk may be just as unhealthy as not exercising… at least that’s what I tell my self 🙂
Couldn’t agree more!
Glad you liked it, thanks for reading 🙂
Well… I liked this post, but in reality…I LOVE this post! I laughed so much. mostly because I have experienced ALL of these attempts and failures. and because as of right at this very moment…I am experiencing the Non- attempt!! …Thanks for the laughs today!!
I’m so pleased to have made you laugh 🙂 And I’m doing the Non-Attempt right now. Except I didn’t even manage the two sit-ups…
Thank you for reblogging!
Been on vacation for the past five sunny days. My running shoes have been sitting on the floor near the door used to frequently leave the house. I believe they have eyes that stare at me as I leave in flip flops to pick up take-out food or run other errands. There are periods when I am focused on my goal to exercise. I fantasize about how well a dress will look on me if I could only loose those hip hugging fifteen pounds.That’s were I am now in fantasy land. I need to save myself from myself.
Yeah but you know what? Life’s too short. Fifteen pounds on your hips? That’s nothing. If it’s not ruining your life, don’t worry about it. Be happy 🙂
Awesome post! I loved it, every moment of it! And the cartoons were a treat! 🙂
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! Glad you liked it 🙂
This is great. Nice work!
Thank you 🙂
Brilliant. I am familiar with really not being arsed on occasion.
As, it seems, are many other people! Which makes me feel MUCH better about myself…
Thanks for reading! 🙂
This was great thanks for writing
No, thank you for reading! 🙂
I laugh because it’s true. Which makes it wonderful. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed, and for getting such a response! Here’s me and exercise: I go to bed ridiculously pumped to work out, with a plan and motivation keeping me awake. And then I wake up, realize I’m insanely tired and vow the next day will be different. Sigh. But I keep trying! It counts …
Thank you! The only thing we can do is just keep trying….and keep failing NO! I mean keeping succeeding…. 😉
Reblogged this on snoopyandfriend.
Thank you for reblogging!
Great post.
After a couple of strokes and a heart-attack, the most exercise I get is chasing my grandchildren and destroying one of my guitars on a daily basis.
Well that sounds like more than sufficient and active exercise!! Thank you for reading!
I’m guilty of this too X_X
mostimes… I make diet and workout plans e.g monthly challenge but yet end up half way 😥
Nice article Becky 🙂
Thank you for reading 🙂
Your welcome 🙂
Reblogged this on Actuaria's Blog and commented:
Need I say more? 😉
Thank you ! 🙂
Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed, Becky! It’s much deserved. 😀
This resonated with me, mostly because I’m going through an exercise phase right now. At first I did not even try because I love food too much and was in no way prepared to cut down and exercise, then I was expecting failure, so I didn’t bother a lot (not even standing in front of the mirror and trying to disgust myself worked!), then I bought a treadmill and the guilt of letting my money go to waste finally got me running, haha.
Thanks dude!
Ah, guilt exercise! It’s a powerful thing, and one I might try. Maybe if I splash out all my life savings on a really, REALLY good treadmill, I might actually use it once in a while…? 😉
Every time I quit I’ll just spend more time inventing my machine that turns other people’s exercise into fat loss for me…. it will all pay off one day…
That is an excellent idea. Good luck with your inventing. When you’ve invented it, let me know where I can get one. 😉 Thanks for reading!
This is basically my life
Yup. Mine too. Oh yeah.
Reblogged this on mylifemestartingme and commented:
Basically my life,I
Very nice blog! I can totally relate with lots of your ideas. Keep up the good job! 😀
Thank you! 🙂
I’m so glad there are finally names for these conditions. I feel validated.
Yeah, I felt pretty validated after discovering these conditions were actually genuine, and not just flimsy excuses floating around my head. They are TOTALLY real. Suffering from them is almost as serious as suffering from something much more serious.
🙂
Reblogged this on Who Is Ambrose?! and commented:
This is such truth I’d like to thank this blogger for putting this into the universe.
You’re very welcome! And thank you so much for reblogging! 🙂
Hey Anybody,
Is it just me or is there a special Failed Exercise Attempt category? The category of “Dumbfounded Realization” When you suddenly try to bike up the same low grade infinity hill and your heart pounds up a crazy storm like you haven’t exercised in 3 weeks, 2 days, 1 hour and 53 minutes. At the top of the hill, pulled over in a dirty ashphalt patch that isn’t sidewalk nor parking lot and heaving for breath in a nonchalant way, because all the cars behind you are driving by looking at you stifling the deep gasps.
Then you remember you actually haven’t exercised for a couple weeks (but it feels like more)…. but you justified it because you were still moving, you had to dog sit that crazy energy hound and walk (be dragged) 8 hours a day, and your yoga course ended but it wasn’t warm enough for swimming… omg..I Haven’t Exercised! and the realization dawns. And it starts to click why your jeans have stopped zipping up all the way.
If that’s not a category, then it’s just me. And it definitely happened today.
No, this is definitely a category. I believe its full title is ‘Dumbfounded Realisation at Overexposure to Sudden Exercise as a Consequence of Completing Other Failed Exercise Attempts for a too long Period of Time and Resulting in Pain and Unnecessary Discomfort’. And that definitely happens to me too. 🙂
yes. you have captured it precisely. hahaha. 😀
🙂
Reblogged this on The Brio and commented:
This is pretty much how I’m feeling at this point. I just had a brownie with ice cream from Applebees a few hours ago…so much for the squat challenge. Plus, my boyfriend just told me I’m not serious about my workouts. Failure is in the air. 😦 Sad face
But I bet you had a lot more fun failing at exercise than you would’ve done actually exercising 😉 Thank you for reblogging!
i know what you mean its nice to know im not the only one xx
Not by a long shot! It seems there are many of us failures out there! 🙂
lol xx visit my website pls xx
chazaxx.wordpress.com
oh i laughed out loud and cried a little as well….this was a perfect description of my life ;-D xo
Hah, thank you! It seems to be a perfect description of many people’s lives!
Hahaha I really enjoyed how much I can relate to these exercise fails! Especially when i feel all those eyes judging me in the gym or those 100 sit-ups I should be doing….I’ve tried so many tactics to get on an exercise regimen because I am in love with the feeling after a great workout. I’ve tried P90X, but I usually end up not being able to get out of bed the day after…oh well, maybe one day we will learn to avoid the feeling of failure when it comes to exercise!! Until then, here’s to sandwiches!
Here’s to sandwiches indeed! And fair play for attempting that P90X thing, it looks mental! 🙂
Reblogged this on Sign Of Skinny and commented:
I can relate.
Thank you for reblogging!
hahhahahhahhaha…good one…and so so so very true 🙂
Thank you 🙂
That is one heavy looking container of ice cream in your picture. A great lifting opportunity. Imagine the benefits if you had two of them!
I hadn’t thought of that. Excellent idea! I’m off to buy some ice cream!
wow this blog post hit me. i was debating earlier today if i should start with my long overdue workout (and that is just me using my jumping rope and doing some pilates) but then again, i had to postpone it for the nth time!
Using a jump rope and pilates is better than sitting on your bum eating ice cream… which is what I’ve been doing a lot of recently…. 😉
well that made me feel better! but no, we should definitely be inspired. what i did was to take a photo of my body and like do a weekly photo just to see results based on photos.
right now, i’m having a hard time ditching the “bad” foods that i’m eating *sigh* but hey, yesterday i did the jump rope and the pilates. tonight i’ll switch pilates with yoga 😀
let’s be fit! love your posts xx
Thank you 🙂 Here’s to fitness!!
I’m too doggedly determined to keep going with my exercise to quit — but I love these examples. And I am certain not ashamed to say that they have all been in my mind at some point along the way. Nice stickmen!
Thank you! And dogged determination is something I could do with! Thanks for reading 🙂
Superb! Loved the drawings, especially the one about the AWOL sit ups. I’m inspired – thank you 🙂
Thank you so you much for your lovely words! I’m glad I inspired you 🙂
ROFL !! Too bloody good !!
Thank you 🙂
So true! I can relate most to the “Expected Failure.” Great post!
Yep, me too! Thank you 🙂
I love all the cartoons…Sarcastic but so true..i’m embarrassed coz that’s basically me in those cartoons.
It’s okay, it’s me too! Thank you 🙂
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
This post is so hilariously accurate.
The ice cream in front of YouTube. The expected to fail so it wasn’t REALLY a fail, the smugness of getting sweaty after exercising, the ‘just can’t be arsed’ unexpected failure. EVERYTHING.
How did you read my mind?!
I’d also add for beginners in exercise, don’t want to let my pride down and show I’m struggling to keep this pace up so I’ll stop nice and early to the list of reasons for.. hm, what category would that reason go?? beginner’s non attempt?
lol, and now I’ve gotta go force my butt off out of the house door and do my evening jogging attempt. hahahahaha, I’m gonna be thinking of this post as I run and giggle to myself so the kids in the skatepark think I’m one crazy fish of an asian.
Haha, glad it made you laugh! I didn’t need to read your mind, because it’s my mind as well! Thanks so much for reading 🙂
Reblogged this on who cares.
Thank you for reblogging 🙂
Thanks for the laugh! Have experienced all of those ‘failed attempts’ at some point!
Delighted to hear it!
I fell off a Swiss Ball. Enough said.
We’ve all been there. Enough said. 😉
LOL story of my life.
Excellent 😉
Mine is the “You put on your exercise clothes first thing in the morning You think you’ll check Facebook real quick before hand. You realize it’s now time to make dinner.”
Haha, I can’t believe I forgot about that one!
Gosh! This really made me laugh out loud at home by myself! Thanks.. haha I needed that!
Laughing out loud at home by yourself is one of the great joys in life, and I’m glad I made you do it 😉 Thanks for reading!
Having an attachment to routine helps…Try a workout buddy. They need you, and if you feel unmotivated they’ll drag you there anyway. ;D
True… drag me kicking and screaming… Thank you for reading!
Reblogged this on Lisa B. DuBois – Writer and commented:
LOL! This is hilarious! Don’t get me wrong, the pursuit of health and fitness is a VERY serious thing (smirk, wink) but this tongue and cheek post from “Becky Says Things” is a riot. Read on…
Thank you! 🙂
This is hilarious, and so true. I am doing the Michelle Bridges 12WBT (it’s an online Aussie weight loss program) and she says that motivation is a myth – it’s all about consistency. I find the best way to exercise is to get up at the same time every morning and just do it. Otherwise, the day gets in the way and you have too much time to make excuses. Good luck! Bec x
All very, very true! And I am EXCELLENT at making excuses…. 😉
I’m counting the lolling I just did to this article as exercise.
I think I have currently done all of these today.
Good. Me too. 🙂
Thanks for reading!
Thank you for reblogging 🙂
OMG! This was just too funny! I swear my cheeks froze from like the second sentence on!! The did droop back down when I had to scroll for literally 5 minutes before finding the little comment square-boxy-thing…
Oh well, was worth it! I’m definitely passing this post on to my brother, we’re both reeeeally good at making excuses….
Thanks a bunch!
You’re very welcome! Thank you so much for reading, and I’m delighted I froze your cheeks 😉
ROFLMAO!!! Your version is my version. Except that I do my exercises in the morning and I am not a morning person. So I wake up, dress up, peep outside the window and go like, omg the weather looks so bad! I cant run in this weather I might catch pneumonia!
Or, I will wake up, sit on my bed and go like, there is a mad man outside there and this must be the day he is planning to kill me, thank you lord for making me realize that, *hits snooze button*.
OR, I will somehow manage to get outside and do a ten minute jog repeating those reaffirmations that i am not a failure but then i will see another very unfit person and go like, surely i am doing a complete mockery to this other person, and off i go home! Straight to the fridge.
You are so effing funny its crazy!! Thank you for making me pee on my pjs laughing 😀
Haha, I love your excuses. I must remember to use the ‘mad man outside definitely planning to kill me today’ excuse – that’s a brilliant one 🙂
Glad I made you pee on your PJs 😉 THanks for reading!
Love this post and love the artwork!
That’s the first time someone has referred to Stickman as ‘artwork’, and he’s very chuffed with it indeed 😉 Thank you!
Love the drawings. Just wanted to share my hiliarious Ecuadorian adventure with a fellow writer. Hope you enjoy mine as much as I have enjoyed yours.
http://www.atruetalltale.wordpress.com
Thank you! I’ll check it out!
haha, I just got back from one of those uninspired, boring jogs that I was hoping would burn off my attitude but it didn’t. Came home and opened the lap top to read about exercise instead of actually doing it.
But I read somewhere that just reading about exercise can actually burn calories….. can’t remember where I read that…..
Fun read and nice drawings, too! I swear I won’t try to self-assess on which one I can relate to. Yes, all four 😀
Well it’s all four for me as well! Thank you for reading 🙂
Oh my, I feel you! I think I just lack motivation! Glad I am not the only one with troubles about exercising! Ha! Fun post!
Nope, not the only one at all! Thanks for reading! 🙂
Reblogged this on Running to finish and commented:
This Post just cracked me up!
Thank you for reblogging 🙂
Your welcome! Loved it and made me laugh.
Absolutely loved this. I was about to write a post saying just this, but you did it so well that I’m just going to sit back and feel happy that someone else feels the same way that I do. So I guess that’s… unexpected failure? 🙂
I think lots and lots and lots of people feel the same way!
Thank you for reading 🙂
This is utterly hilarious Becky Says Things! I was just on my way to the gym when I read thi… No I wasn’t, but I was thinking about working ou… No I wasn’t, But I was about to get up and go to the kitchen for a snack, but then I realized there were stairs in the way. Awesome post regardless of my poor intentions to have good intentions!
It’d be great if you could check out my post on weird tips for a better workout. I personally found it strangely motivating.
http://dydityet.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/6-weird-tips-for-a-better-more-effective-workout-as-described-by-my-lazy-butt/
Cheers,
Jon
Haha, stairs in the way is a definite reason to not move from your chair!
Glad you enjoyed it – I will check out your post right now! 🙂
Made me snort at work sooo accurately funny!!
Glad you enjoyed it 🙂
How about the non-non attempt. I set my alarm and as soon as I hit snooze more than twice I know the battle is over. I’ll keep telling myself I’ll spring out of bed and hit the routine knowing very well that it’s not going down like that.
Hahaha, that is truly a non-non attempt! It happens to the best of us 😉
Thank you for reading!