Becky says things about … losing it in lockdown

Greetings isolators!

IT’S FRIDAY!!! Quick, get out the party poppers and the party hats woooooo.

Put your hands up if you lost it to the Week 3 Wobble last week?

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

The Week 3 Wobble was borne from the following factors:

  •  By Week 3 I realised I’d completed most of the time-consuming activities I’d planned to keep myself busy (cleaned the blinds with a toothbrush, arranged my tinned food alphabetically, took all my books out of the bookcase, set aside one for the charity shop, put them all back in a slightly different order etc.)
  • By Week 3 the last dribs and drabs of work had fallen away completely
  • By Week 3 the novelty of having all this time and of being able to hear the birds and smell the flowers and see the sky bla bla bla had worn off
  • I suddenly remembered why we’re in lockdown.

And all of these factors clicked into place at exactly the same time, setting off an uncontrolled snowballing of doomish truths: suddenly my friends and family seemed very far away and I realised I was utterly desperate for human contact of any form –

– the prospect of another evening in my tiny flat was suddenly grim; the pressure of relying solely on my own motivation to keep myself occupied became suddenly overwhelming, and the fear of this virus as the deaths ceaselessly climbed to eye-watering and devastating numbers became suddenly acute and terrifying, and all of the above exploded in the Week 3 Wobble that manifested itself in a brief but fairly intense meltdown on the floor of my flat.

But having spoken to several chums, it would appear that many of them also lost it to the Week 3 Wobble, as the adrenaline of the novelty of the first two weeks subsided and stored-up feelings of frustration, despair and fear managed to break through the sunshine and blue skies and remind us all that

THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT NORMAL.

And whilst I feel much better this week, this lockdown is definitely starting to take its toll.

For example, I appear to be losing my ability to communicate with real-life human beings in a face-to-face manner. A few days ago I approached Sainsbury’s, and there was no one queuing outside but it looked fairly busy inside, so I stood behind the queueing barrier like a responsible socially-distanced-aware citizen and waited to be admitted.

Whereupon a woman strode right past me and through the doors.

Now, in my head the words that subsequently came out of my mouth – ‘Excuse me, I’m queuing here’ – were supposed to be uttered in a polite and gentle tone, something that sounded like:

Instead, due perhaps to this strange and unpractised form of face-to-face communication with a human being who isn’t on the other end of Zoom or Skype or WhatsApp, the words ‘Excuse me, I’m queueing here’ actually came out in a tone that may as well have said:

I immediately felt AWFUL about my aggressive tone, made worse by the fact that the woman immediately and profusely and so incredibly politely apologised and hurried to stand behind me, and explained so apologetically that this was the first time she’d been out in four weeks and she didn’t know the rules of shopping and she was terribly sorry, and I felt SO bad at my unwarranted outburst that I spent the next five minutes orchestrating a desperately friendly conversation, and by the time I was admitted into the sanctuary of Sainsbury’s I knew where she’d met her husband, the middle names of her four children, and her bra size.

This was not the only queue-related momentary loss of civility I have had.

Is anyone else noticing that, whilst there are many examples of some first-class queues forming outside supermarkets, there are also plenty of examples of absolute queuing abominations?

An example, for your delectation: outside the post office earlier this week, there was a smattering of people loitering on the pavement in a manner that can only be described as willy-nilly.

This is a bird’s-eye demonstration of what they should have looked like:

This is a bird’s eye view of what they actually looked like:

It’s as though the social distancing measures are weakening the gravitational pull of the person in front, and queuers are going spinning off into the Deep Space of the pavement like wayward space badgers – and because this ‘queue’ looked so slapdash, shoddy and slipshod, I asked one of the dawdlers, ‘Excuse me, is this the queue?’

His response was an unfriendly ‘Well we’re not standing here for the fun of it.’

At which point I again forgot the fact that I am actually a very placid person, and drew my sword, drove it through his heart and screamed in his face:

Well, I didn’t actually slay him, but I did say most of those words in an extremely murderous tone, the ignorant queue-disrespecting dick.

Happily, I’m not the only one who has had instances of losing it in lockdown.

A very good friend of mine told me the heart-warming story of her pushing her baby through a park the other day when, and I quote, ‘an egg-faced ham of a man and his smug-nosed pierced twat of a daughter’ approached up the path behind her, encroaching on the sacred two-metre realm around my chum, and she was forced to move the buggy out of the way while they heinously brushed past her, causing her to experience a solid gold loss of all decorum and scream after them:

After which she burst into tears.

So I don’t feel so bad about my public outbursts, I’m sure we’ll all lose it during lockdown and say and do things we don’t mean at some point, won’t we? You snivelling bunch of toads.

 

Stay healthy, stay home and look after each other xx

14 thoughts on “Becky says things about … losing it in lockdown

    1. I think it’s the same feeling everywhere!
      It’s weird and strangely comforting that even thousands of miles away people are feeling the same!
      Hope you’re all doing ok over there, thumbs up and high fives to you all from the UK! 🙂

      1. Yes-we are all being very human and vulnerable these days–scary,but good, in a way. I’m generally very kind but recently yelled “SPACE PLEASE!” like a crazy person at a cyclist who buzzed by too closely on a walking trail. 🙂 High fives right back at you! 🙂

        1. Hahaha, I have heard LOADS of instances of people yelling at other people over space infringements, my favourite being a friend who said someone stood right next to her in a supermarket so she said ‘Do you want to get a bit closer, you ****** *****?!’
          I think it’ll take a long time to stop yelling at people for getting too close!
          Stay well!

  1. Too true. But anyway, having a good laugh is therapeutic. The highlight of the week is clapping for theNHS and other essential workers. It’s a chance to wave at the neighbours. I have done NONE of the sorting out things, etc but looks like there is still lots of time to do them, unfortunately.

    1. Yes, lots and lots and lots of time! The NHS clap is lovely, although I’ve forgotten about it 3 weeks in a row and every Thursday at 8pm think ‘what’s that noise outside?’ and by the time I’ve remembered, it’s over. Sigh.
      Keep well!

  2. Social distancing, ok that’s the difference of living in a town or city, to living out in the sticks. I drove into Aldi near me. As I drove into the car park I noticed the queue was right round the other side of the car park. This is the difference the gap between each person, well….. you could have parked your car and set up a tent and camped out!
    I got out out after parking my car and noticed 20+ more people, must have been returned by aliens, had joined the queue.
    That was it I stomped and danced around like red Indian doing a war dance round the camp fire.
    When I’d finished I then noticed half of southern England had joined the bloody queue!
    I had another rant, got in the car and went home!
    Not social distancing…. Social bloody invasion!!!!

    1. Hahaha, the same thing happened to me the other day! I don’t know where they all came from!! And sometimes the gap between each person is so big, you’re right you could set up camp in it!
      There have been, and will be, many abandoned shopping trips during this pandemic!
      Hope you’re well Neil, thank you for reading!

  3. Venturing out to my local grocery store, today was the first time donning gloves and a mask (as requested in an email they put out earlier this week). Before I’d left home I felt a bit resentful about having to do it. Since I was last there a week ago, they changed things so there was now one long line (queue) (with people 6 ft apart) that fed into several checkout stands. The line for the self checkout stations (individuals scan and bag their own groceries) was even more awkward, going down the middle of the aisle of frozen food, leaving a large gap across the main aisle, such that people couldn’t see that there was a line at all until directed to look behind themselves. Fortunately, people were gracious and employees were mostly on their toes guiding all the confused and lost sheep. Hang in there. I think we’re all feeling it about now.

    1. Yep, the queues are getting ever more chaotic and inventive as shops work out how to direct them round their stores! Every day is an adventure!
      Definitely all feeling it about now, but we must plod on!
      Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂

  4. Loved it! And I can totally sympathise for the week 3 wobbly. Don’t worry though, things settle to a weird normality between week 4-5. Or at least they did for me. I’m at the end of week 8 and now the true fear is going back to the old normality!

    1. I know exactly what you mean, I suddenly had a terrible feeling of the worst back-tow-work dread I’ve ever had, and I’m not even going back to work any time soon! It’s going to be so hard!
      Keep going, you’re miles ahead on week 8! 🙂

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