Where do I start?
Here I am, coming out of a lengthy period of silence on the old ‘saying things’ front, but – due to the fact that this is the maddest time since Mad Maddy McMadderson went a bit mad singing madrigals – I genuinely do not know what to say.
It’s all too big, and incomprehensible, and unknowable, and unfathomable, and there are zillions of things to say that all make up this gargantuan ballsack of a situation in which we all find ourselves, so while I get my thoughts together and decide what I want to say, I’ll leave you with a heartwarming story of my inaugural attempt to assist the elderly through this insane time:
I was in the Pound Shop yesterday not being able to buy toilet roll, when I saw a little old lady with an empty shopping basket poking through some boxes on a trolley full of stock.
All my heart strings pulling at once, I rushed to her and asked her if she needed any help finding something.
The little old lady immediately flushed pink, and started mumbling ‘Oh, er… um… erm…’, and she looked so troubled at being spoken to that I thought to myself, Wait a moment, have I just caught you trying to nick stuff, you sly little madam? and I was about to step away and tell her not to worry, such was the extent of her discomfort, when she finally gave up fumbling for words, dropped her shoulders, looked utterly pissed off, and said:
There’s no helping some people.
Big love to everyone x