Becky says things about … an update on Stickman’s mental health

For those of you who witnessed the tragic and gratuitous mental breakdown of my friend and colleague Stickman in the previous blogpost, I’m sure you would like an update on his recovery.

Firstly, Stickman is not a well stick. After his very public emotional collapse, he ran amok round Microsoft Paint, and eventually broke into Microsoft Word, where he proceeded to hang from the ruler bar whilst swigging from a bottle of cheap Microsoft wine.

Inevitably, he then became violent and took his anger out on poor old Word Art, who couldn’t do anything about it being that it’s essentially a word generator and has no self defense skills, so Stickman pretty much beat the crap out of it.

Finally, after somehow getting into Google Images and being incredibly immature with a photograph of a sausage

Stickman finally crawled back to Microsoft Paint, where he became suicidal and rubbed out his own head.

It was at this point that I decided to intervene. I would have done so sooner, had Stickman not slyly changed my password while I’d nipped to the toilet so I couldn’t actually get into my laptop (after some guesswork as to what he might have changed it to, I finally hit the jackpot with ‘iwanttodie12’).

When I finally got hold of him and carefully drew his head back on, I decided to put him away for a little while to give him time to think about what he’s done and to try and gain some clarity over his increasingly nebulous mental condition. However, when he got wind of the fact that I’d recruited a couple of text smiley faces to help me with my blog, he broke out of Microsoft Paint and frankly behaved abominably.

So I have had him sectioned.

He is currently in a mental institute for deranged stickmen and from what I gather he is making a slow but positive recovery. He has taken up stick ballet and has even won the part of the White Swan in Swan Lake, which I’m sure we’re all very pleased about.

His road to recovery has not been without setback, unfortunately: apparently just two days ago he somehow got hold of the eraser tool and was caught trying to rub out his own foot, but luckily he was apprehended just in time and locked in a padded stick cell for 40 hours for his own protection.

We very much hope that Stickman will be back in action soon, and that he will get over the deep-rooted anguish about his childhood, but until then we wish him all the very best with his recovery, and I would ask you not to approach him or draw anything too near him, because he is volatile and a little bit dangerous at the moment, so it’s for the best if we all just leave him alone to think about the tragic state of his life at present. Thank you.

Becky says things about … a conversation with Stick Man

Hello, dear readers.

As I’ve been incredibly busy recently, and shamefully remiss about saying things about things, I thought I’d get Stick Man to chat to you while I’m finding time to say more things.

I’ve asked Stick Man to say a bit about himself and how he got into the blogging world, so hopefully it’ll be quite interesting for those of you who know other stick men who might like to get  into the industry, because it’s not easy – some of the working conditions really are appalling; I mean, they have to hang around inside Microsoft Paint waiting for their next job, and it’s cramped in there, and apparently the Cropping Tool is a right arrogant bastard, and the Edit Colours Box bangs on about when it coloured in a Banksy, which I don’t believe because I can’t see Banksy fiddling around with his laptop mousepad when he’s halfway up a ladder outside a prominent building in the dead of night.

But anyway, here’s Stick Man. Enjoy.

So Stick Man, thanks for taking time to talk to us. Can you tell us how you first got into the blogging world? Why did Becky choose you over literally millions of other stick men?

And what exactly do you do? What does being a stick man in a blog actually entail?

Can you give us an example of when you’ve done your own thing?

And how do you feel about sex scenes? Do you get nervous at all? And is there anything you can’t show, or can you just go for it?

Of course.

Ahem.

Er….

Stick Man, is there any advice you could give to other stick men who want to make it in the cutthroat world of stick men-related blogging?

Er… okay. Bit rude.

But maybe we can talk about your anger issues. I have heard you struggle with anger. Do you think it’s anything to do with a difficult childhood? A violent father, perhaps, or a distant mother?

So you’re estranged from her? Did she walk out on you as a child? Did she abandon you? Were you abandoned, Stick Man? Were you abandoned as a child?

Stick Man, there’s so much pain in you. I just see so much pain. Have you ever tried talking to someone? Instead of hiding behind your anger and your promiscuity, just talk to someone. What’s hurting you, Stick Man? What’s happened in your life that has been so terribly painful?

There are people who can help you, Stick Man. Go and see a stickotherapist. They will talk through your issues. Your drinking’s a problem as well, isn’t it?

Stick Man, you show a lot more of yourself in these blogs than you think you do. You allowed yourself to portray a woman who’d just lost her virginity in Becky’s post about Fifty Shades of Grey. I mean, that either takes a very gutsy actor, or a stick man who secretly yearns for the innocence his mother took away from him when she abandoned him as a child.

Stick Man…

Oh, bloody hell.

Look, for God’s sake Stick Man…

Oh well that’s charming.

Right.

Okay, sorry about that everyone. Didn’t go quite how I’d planned. He’s obviously got a lot of issues and I’m sure we all wish him the very best and hope that he gets the help he so clearly needs. Next time perhaps we’ll have a more civilised conversation with Stick Man, but until then, it’s probably best just to leave him be.

I’m just sorry this was such a disaster.

Never work with children, animals, or stick men.

Jeez.