Becky says things about … a conversation with Stick Man

Hello, dear readers.

As I’ve been incredibly busy recently, and shamefully remiss about saying things about things, I thought I’d get Stick Man to chat to you while I’m finding time to say more things.

I’ve asked Stick Man to say a bit about himself and how he got into the blogging world, so hopefully it’ll be quite interesting for those of you who know other stick men who might like to get  into the industry, because it’s not easy – some of the working conditions really are appalling; I mean, they have to hang around inside Microsoft Paint waiting for their next job, and it’s cramped in there, and apparently the Cropping Tool is a right arrogant bastard, and the Edit Colours Box bangs on about when it coloured in a Banksy, which I don’t believe because I can’t see Banksy fiddling around with his laptop mousepad when he’s halfway up a ladder outside a prominent building in the dead of night.

But anyway, here’s Stick Man. Enjoy.

So Stick Man, thanks for taking time to talk to us. Can you tell us how you first got into the blogging world? Why did Becky choose you over literally millions of other stick men?

And what exactly do you do? What does being a stick man in a blog actually entail?

Can you give us an example of when you’ve done your own thing?

And how do you feel about sex scenes? Do you get nervous at all? And is there anything you can’t show, or can you just go for it?

Of course.

Ahem.

Er….

Stick Man, is there any advice you could give to other stick men who want to make it in the cutthroat world of stick men-related blogging?

Er… okay. Bit rude.

But maybe we can talk about your anger issues. I have heard you struggle with anger. Do you think it’s anything to do with a difficult childhood? A violent father, perhaps, or a distant mother?

So you’re estranged from her? Did she walk out on you as a child? Did she abandon you? Were you abandoned, Stick Man? Were you abandoned as a child?

Stick Man, there’s so much pain in you. I just see so much pain. Have you ever tried talking to someone? Instead of hiding behind your anger and your promiscuity, just talk to someone. What’s hurting you, Stick Man? What’s happened in your life that has been so terribly painful?

There are people who can help you, Stick Man. Go and see a stickotherapist. They will talk through your issues. Your drinking’s a problem as well, isn’t it?

Stick Man, you show a lot more of yourself in these blogs than you think you do. You allowed yourself to portray a woman who’d just lost her virginity in Becky’s post about Fifty Shades of Grey. I mean, that either takes a very gutsy actor, or a stick man who secretly yearns for the innocence his mother took away from him when she abandoned him as a child.

Stick Man…

Oh, bloody hell.

Look, for God’s sake Stick Man…

Oh well that’s charming.

Right.

Okay, sorry about that everyone. Didn’t go quite how I’d planned. He’s obviously got a lot of issues and I’m sure we all wish him the very best and hope that he gets the help he so clearly needs. Next time perhaps we’ll have a more civilised conversation with Stick Man, but until then, it’s probably best just to leave him be.

I’m just sorry this was such a disaster.

Never work with children, animals, or stick men.

Jeez.