Becky says things about … not saying things about the Olympics

I have decided to write a blog post that isn’t about the Olympics. I mean, the Games are great and all that, and we’re doing really well and these shiny medals keep pouring in, but we must be able to talk about something else, just for five minutes. It seems that people are really struggling to not talk about the Olympics, no matter how hard they try.

The papers can’t stop talking about the Olympics. Did you hear that the moon exploded the other night? Or that Venice has sunk? Or that the bottom of the earth fell off yesterday morning and consequently Australia and the Antarctic don’t exist anymore? Of course you didn’t, because we won a couple of golds and there’s literally nothing else worth talking about.

Facebook and Twitter can’t talk about anything else. Instead of getting fascinating insight into what celebrities think about politicians, or when they’re next on telly, or how much they’ve just spent on a sandwich, we’re getting representations of the various ways in which getting a gold medal can be expressed.

Office talk no longer revolves around the state of the stationery cupboard, or whether Lynn’s put on weight, or who ate the last Fox’s Golden Crunch; it now comprises detailed discussions on pelotons, propulsions and personal bests, and suddenly everyone is an expert on all things sport. Quiet little Marjorie who sits in the corner, studiously tapping away, never so much as being overzealous with a hole punch, is suddenly the world authority on taekwondo. Barry the postroom guy who shuffles through the office grumbling about Royal Mail and strikes and how his Labrador has been constipated for three weeks, is now an encyclopaedia of knowledge on the canoe slalom.

No one’s done any work in any office in the UK for days. They’re all huddled round the TV in the kitchen, cheering and groaning and spilling Cuppa Soups and elbowing tuna rolls out of people’s hands. It’s carnage.

So I’ve decided that enough is enough, and I’m not going to mention them in any shape or form and instead we’ll talk about other things that bear absolutely no relation to the Olympic Games, and I’m definitely not going to talk about them in this blog post.

Oh, bugger.