Tag Archives: Olympic Games

Becky says things about … what the hell we’re all going to do now

Right, so um … yeah.

Well, er … I mean we could … um … you know …

Dunno, really.

What ARE we going to do now?

I think I’ve forgotten how to live normally. What will we do with those minutes in which we used to check our London 2012 Results app? Go to the toilet? Have an apple? Kill a badger? I just don’t know. What will we do without the cheery smiles of Gary Lineker, Sue Barker, Gabbie Logan, and the rest of the lovely BBC sports anchors? How will we cope with hearing news stories about what’s going on outside the Olympic Games (I know, it’s a shock to be reminded that there is stuff outside London 2012 – I didn’t want to believe it but it’s true)? Instead of cheery gold medals and 15 year old girls putting their legs in their ears or something, we’ll have to hear about bad stuff like war and thievery and general naughtiness.

What will we do without cheering everything that anyone does? We’ve spent two weeks cheering literally everything with such gay enthusiasm – and we got really good at it as well – that I just don’t know what we’ll do without it. What does it mean to not cheer something? No, I can’t remember, either.

What will we do without the constant achievements? Without daily gold medals? We’ve had two weeks of almost hourly confirmations that WE’RE GREAT, but now what? Surely we can’t just go back to plodding along and never getting a prize for anything.

And after all becoming superfans of every sport that’s ever been invented – you know, the really interesting ones like cycling, rowing, gymnastics, judo, athletics, badminton, BMX racing – we’re now being abandoned by all those brilliant sports, and left with ruddy bloody boring shitty football. After two weeks of watching some of the most brilliant athletes and sportsmen and women in the world, we’re going to be back in front of a load of monstrously overpaid arrogant twonkheads scuttling and diving round a pitch and pretending they’re the best things since sliced bread. Brilliant.


I don’t want to go back to a normal life. I don’t want that cloud of sporting and patriotic greatness to dissolve and leave us with NOTHING. It’s like we’ve been looking after a noisy but thoroughly wonderful and entertaining toddler for a fortnight, but now its mum and dad have got back from holiday and taken it back. We are bereft. Nothing left to do but stare at the wall and contemplate our own miserable, tedious, meaningless little lives.


Life without London 2012 is shit.



Filed under London 2012 Olympics, Thoughts and Musings

Becky says things about … why Britain should never doubt itself again

The list of ‘How Britain Can Make a Huge Cock Up of Everything During the Olympics’ was endless. Our weather would be terrible, we’d never live up to Beijing, there’d be huge pile-ups at passport control, the stadium would collapse, the fireworks wouldn’t go off, the water in the Aquatic centre would be the wrong type of blue, the doors to the Velodrome would open the wrong way, we’d present an opening ceremony filled with Morris Dancers and bell ringing, and the rest of the world would be sitting smugly in front of their TVs and pointing and laughing.

These Games have cost more money than it would cost to ditch our world and build another, bigger, better, and more fun world in the space of galaxy next to us, and then ship all 7 billion people from our world to that world in a fleet of ten colossal and luxurious spaceships with indoor swimming pools and cinemas, then give everyone a million pounds as a welcome into the new world and a sign of good will, and finally blow up the old world to provide us all on the new world with a fantastic fireworks display. That’s a lot of money. And we’ve voiced our thoughts on how much money it is.

Like we do for everything, us Brits anticipated these Games with acute dread and prepared to heinously embarrass ourselves.


I think we all deserve to give ourselves an apology.

Maybe we’ll learn from this – maybe we’ll stop shrouding ourselves in pessimism, stop fearing the worst, stop apologising (let’s face it, we’d all prepared a written apology to read to the rest of the world after we’d cocked everything up, hadn’t we?), stop being embarrassed by ourselves and everything we stand for, and instead hold our little heads up and say ‘We’re British. And we’re fucking brilliant.’


Filed under Health and Exercise, The Beauty of Life, Thoughts and Musings

Becky says things about … not saying things about the Olympics

I have decided to write a blog post that isn’t about the Olympics. I mean, the Games are great and all that, and we’re doing really well and these shiny medals keep pouring in, but we must be able to talk about something else, just for five minutes. It seems that people are really struggling to not talk about the Olympics, no matter how hard they try.

The papers can’t stop talking about the Olympics. Did you hear that the moon exploded the other night? Or that Venice has sunk? Or that the bottom of the earth fell off yesterday morning and consequently Australia and the Antarctic don’t exist anymore? Of course you didn’t, because we won a couple of golds and there’s literally nothing else worth talking about.

Facebook and Twitter can’t talk about anything else. Instead of getting fascinating insight into what celebrities think about politicians, or when they’re next on telly, or how much they’ve just spent on a sandwich, we’re getting representations of the various ways in which getting a gold medal can be expressed.

Office talk no longer revolves around the state of the stationery cupboard, or whether Lynn’s put on weight, or who ate the last Fox’s Golden Crunch; it now comprises detailed discussions on pelotons, propulsions and personal bests, and suddenly everyone is an expert on all things sport. Quiet little Marjorie who sits in the corner, studiously tapping away, never so much as being overzealous with a hole punch, is suddenly the world authority on taekwondo. Barry the postroom guy who shuffles through the office grumbling about Royal Mail and strikes and how his Labrador has been constipated for three weeks, is now an encyclopaedia of knowledge on the canoe slalom.

No one’s done any work in any office in the UK for days. They’re all huddled round the TV in the kitchen, cheering and groaning and spilling Cuppa Soups and elbowing tuna rolls out of people’s hands. It’s carnage.

So I’ve decided that enough is enough, and I’m not going to mention them in any shape or form and instead we’ll talk about other things that bear absolutely no relation to the Olympic Games, and I’m definitely not going to talk about them in this blog post.

Oh, bugger.


Filed under Health and Exercise, Thoughts and Musings, Uncategorized

Becky says things about … being the Official Blog of London 2012

Well obviously I’m not. That would be ridiculous. But I’m sure that, somewhere, someone is writing the Official Blog of London 2012, on the Official Laptop of London 2012, on the Official Desk of London 2012, in the Official Room in a House of London 2012, in the Official Street of London 2012, and a bit later on he will make a sandwich with the Official Bread of London 2012 and fill it with the Official Smoked Ham of London 2012 and dab on a spot of Official Salad Cream of London 2012, and eat it at the Official Flatpack Kitchen Table of London 2012.

Now of course we’re all tremendously excited about the Olympics, it’s going to do wonders for London and the economy, we’re proud to show off our city and our lovely little English ways of doing things. But please – please – can we stop labeling


as the Official This, That and the Other of Bloody London 20 Ruddy 12???? Do we need an Official Television of London 2012? An Official Drink of London 2012? The world’s gone sponsoring mad. My bottle of Evian is apparently the Official Bottled Water of Wimbledon. Now I know that’s a nice bit of variety, and those thirsty tennis players will need to keep hydrated, but COME ON.

(I was going to make a joke about what would  happen if Thames Water jumped on the band wagon, but they only ruddy have! And you thought you were just drinking a normal glass of tap water – oh no, you are officially imbibing the Official Tap Water of London 2012.)

I mean, when is it going to stop? The potential is almost frighteningly infinite. And why stop at sporting events? Why doesn’t everyone else get involved? The Official Pencil of the Society for All Artists? The Official Icing Sugar of the WI? The Official Socket Wrench of the AA? The Official Walk-Across-Some-Fields-and-Over-Some-Well-Signposted-Stiles of English Heritage?

Nothing is sacred anymore. Nothing.



Filed under Rants, Thoughts and Musings